Growing up, my late sister always said to be “Keeping mute is the beginning of foolishness” she would encourage me to speak up whenever i am going through stuff. She would say “say it anyhow you can if you can not think of words to express how you feel or what you are going through.” i know repeating that to me all the time should make me bold and fearless. I am bold, i am fearless. In fact, i take calculated risks where everybody chooses to run away. I speak when everybody is afraid of speaking but i still find it difficult to tell people around me i need help.
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It is true that it is easier to apologize than to ask for help. Oh! I am a living example of that. My mouth will never open to ask for help until things get worse beyond my control, even at that level you i still tell myself don’t worry you can fix this, you just need to make the right moves. If my back is not completely against the wall and restrained from getting up, it is not over and not yet time to scream for help.
Why? Why am i like that? Well, the answer is I HATE IT WHEN I ASK FOR HELP AND THE PERSON ACT AS THOUGH I AM A PARASITE WHO HAS COME TO BURDEN THEM WITH MORE PROBLEMS. It hurts a lot. It probably hurts me that much because i am the kind of guy that pays attention to people around me and could tell when someone is in need and if it is something i can solve i do it without the person asking for help.
I understand some people can be parasitic, take advantage of the fact that you always help them but that does not mean you should treat everybody the same.
Hence the reason i always pray to God Father you know it has always been you and i since my teenage years and i know you won’t fail me now.
This might sound stupid but trust me it gives some relief, if you can not help someone who came to you for help, you don’t need to be nasty or judge them rather let them know you feel their pain, you wish you could help but you just can’t at the moment.
Also, it is demoralizing when you help someone and you are expecting the person to become your puppet. I may have a problem you can solve but that does not mean i must always answer to you and give up dignity for you. Mind you, one of my many favourite life philosophies is that if you don’t help someone will. So, while you are there thinking you are the only one who can do that thing there are thousands of people out there lined up, waiting to be discovered to fulfill that exact purpose you have chosen to withhold.
When you demoralize someone by your gesture, words or actions what you are doing is killing the person’s self esteem mentally. It takes a lot of self reassurance and accomplishments to regain that confidence. Making someone feel bad because they ask you for help is like scaring them with a masquerade and jailing the masquerade in their heart and throwing the key in the bottom of the ocean. It is a nightmare that can hunt for years.
So, i don’t wait on human promises because they can barely keep them.
If you are out there and in my shoes, please know that you are not alone in your struggles. You have God and you have me. I may not be able to solve your problem but i am willing and ready to listen because talking about your problem or problems is the first step towards getting it solved. You could send a mail to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. If you would like me to publish it, i will gladly do so. Who knows? You might get the help you need via this platform, and if you just want to share it with me and keep it private i will also respect that.
Do not be silent, speak to someone. #SpeakUp